


Lorax: INSIRRECTION

by SuessOnTheLoose



Category: Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (Cartoon), DR. SEUSS - Works, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! - Dr. Seuss, The Lorax - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27467113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuessOnTheLoose/pseuds/SuessOnTheLoose
Summary: Thneedville v the bastards that speak in the trees, who will win! Find out in my first fanfiction which I do say is epic but also lightharted in the Dr Suess traditon





	1. cHAP 1: A Unholly Union

It was yet another green beaftul day in Thneedville, featring all the characters all you love from the movie, (except this is before all the events happen); but ANYWAY, Mitch Mcconnell is strolling down the windy curvy road in his striped Dr Suess car, wow what a lovely monring it is he happily thinks looking everywhere: The electric sun is shinning, the mechanicle birds are chirping away on the latest plugin tree purchas's and the sky oh so blue Mitch clearly is in a good mood and it is not hard to see why. after a big heapfull plate full of famous Mconnel family famous Green Eggs & Ham (but not the kind that gives you diarea oveously, the one from the book we all know and love from when we were 5 or 6) and a loving kiss from his wife goodby (Editors Note: not totaly sure about this one,but feel free to take a fact check for now) Mitch has a good additude which off course is pretty evidence. Car pumping and chuggling along his car reached the gates to the place Mitch earned his daily bread at, his pride and joy the Mr. Oncelers Fine Mines that Mitch Mcconell is the General Manager of. Grinning between ear to ear as he prepares to clcok in for yet another shift at the ol' plant he surely thinks "nothing can go wrong"!

Unfortunate for Mitch things were not all okay and safe to say Mitch's smile fell off right into a wood chipper into BITS, dam; what is even going on: strong red lights are fashing about and whisltes with big human lips are screaming right in your ear, really is it time to duck and cover now Mitch fears with his life? Spotting a passingby employe he almost literally grabs him by the hairs and franticly askes what is even going on. "Their all going on strike (axcept for me ovb), you better do something Mitch! Clearly Mitch does not like the sound of this, even over all the alarms going as the biggest alarm went off inside the head of Mitch Mconnell: this makes his panic become UNADOLTERATED RAGE and he clenches his fists (until they turn as purple as Grimice from Mcdonald's land lore, gosh Im now craiving a Mcdouble with coke (EN)). But why?, who knows exactly why but its kind of compilcated and kinda hard to explain why but basically when you start a union you put down your pickaxs and hold yuor hands together in a circle and sing cum bayou or some shit, and all for what, more Trufula seeds or some crap? who knows what they do with them but Mitch thinks that they grind them up and smoke them get high and then they will be to lazy to work, his coughers does not like the sound of that he resolves: in any case its not an OURS; it's really just ALL MINE (and in the good ol McConel family for seven generatons, Mitch tearily sheds a tear for sweet great-grandpa-pa, that good ol sonofabich, may he sing with the angels for ever and ever. With new found motavation Mitch pridefly stands tall; he is gone with all his fears, it is now time to kick some ass's rears. (EN: yeah of course I had to use aliteration, its Dr Suss after all hahaha)

Quickly thinking with the brain God gave him Mitch jumps down into the minshaft where he is met with a crapful of his own angry workers razing hell and torches and also pickaxes (but not to work), wow Mitch Mcconel hasn't seen a crowd so out for blood since the dark Sneech Civil war of '38 and also the protests at Thneed Unversity (pretty much the Viet Nam war but Suess style; watch Full Medal Jacket if you don't know what Im talking about its pretty messed up (EN); "one Sneecth two Sneetch red Sneech dead sneech" was the rally cry on the Sneeches beaches). But anyway, Micth's thoughts were wandering again but woke to attention: whoa he said because rolling down the tracks was none other than a fearsome contraction made just for him: on one end is a big hanging lasso and on the other is a big dangly shining knife that stabbed him not with metal but with fright and to top it off they wrote on the top big letters that say EAT THE RICH: they had the nerve to unviel the LOOSY-GOOSY-GEE-O-TINE and Mitch sure was feeling like a golden brown turkey on Jesus Christ's mas (EN: yeah, you picked the wrong person to go to war on Chrismas with) and did not fancy himself to be carved up a slice of himself. And so with that Mitch knew that they meant buisness: he had to think about how to get back at them right quick, but how?

Scanning the crowd with his big shiny specks Mitch spots a young toddler, Cindy Loo Who who was no more than 2 (damn Mconnel thinks, they sure start younger & younger every year); in her hands held a big sign that said in big letters STAND YOUR GROUND and with that Mitch Mcconel gets an awful kind of Grinchy Grinch-like idea (but it could be great, that all depends on your POINT-OF-VIEW) and his smile twists like in the movie. Running fast with his legs and feet he makes his way over to a near minecart and chunks the lever forward, we are really picking up speed now as Mitch trusts himself full speed ahead! "STAND YOUR GROUND, YOU SAY? POSITIVELY ABSOLUTELY; & WITH PLEASURE" (-Mitch) Lucky for Mitch the cheap foren made Mitch death machine was no match for the superior ALL-THNEEDVILLE constuction of the minec art and the LOOSY-GOOSY-GEE-O-TINE exploded into ten million smitherens, too many to count. At this point Mitch was no longer seeing red but his cart sure GROUND every last STANDING protester into a bloody smeared pulp of bodies and screaming, expecially from children, but Mitch closed his eyes and contineud smiling so he pretneded he did not hear it. It was basically the minecart level from Dnokey Cart Country but with less reptilians getting ran over: as it should be, might is right.

So after the good deed was done and Mitch went over to a near-by sink to wash his hands off all the minedust (remember kids, the amount of time it takes to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2X, haha the more you know), Mitch jumped out of the mineshaft and went over to the vault where he keeps all the WEALTH. Mitch sighs as he turns the lock and see the gold within: more PROPHITS FOR HIM now that he doesn't have to pay checks, he thinks to himself; fuck Yurtle the Turtle or any of his other aminal friends, the only stacks of green Mitch cares about are the ones with dead Thneedville presidints on them. Rubbing his hands together Mitch is about to call it a day, but not on the watch of the shadowy figuring cocking something, it is a Gatlin gun aimed at Mitch mcconnels head! The figures finger fired without fiddeling around and just like that Mitch, that unlucky bitch, was toast: a million pieces of Mitch Mcconnel splat graphically onto a billion pieces of silver and gold from the Mcconnell family fortune. Blowing out the smoke from the gun like you see in the movies, the figure emerged from the dark smoke and it is a lone Lorax (originally orange but covered with the blood of his dead co-workers) who has just now gotten his revenge: he fights for his violent animal friends which if you think about it is a textbook case of bieng a BIOTERRORIST. Now that the gun smoke is all gone he lights a softpack Marb 100's, and, savering the smoke in morning, spits the cig at the buidling as he walks out to finish the job, the once blue sky Mcconnel loves is now red with fire and explosion as the Mr Onceler's Fine Mine burns down to the underground. This will be a day that will live in infimy, that Lorax has stirred up shit but surely though the citizins of Thneedville have lost this battle they will surely win the war.

\---

now lend me your ears,  
As I resight with out fail,  
Thneedville's hopes and dreams,  
Enclosed in this tale:

THE LORAX: INSIRRECTION  
By: Morgan Barnett (C)


	2. Chap 2: SHITZ HITS THE FAN

So anyway in another beautiful Thneedville day early morning (but not the first one in the ol' Mr Oncelers fine Mines, rest in peices and also Mitch Mcconnel where the electric sun shown its golden rays down through the hilly hills, but beleive it or not the most golden thing on the hill horizon was not a ray but the Trufula metal plated exterear of Mr Onceler's Memorial mansion: the ADOBE of ALUICIOUS OHARE, the most powerful man in town and youll see why in just a second cuase seeing is beliving, if you see what I mean. Inside the memorial Mansion Ohare is just getting out of the shower, sh dont peek at Ohare's hairs (but theyll be calling him Onair after his apointement next Tuesday) but you can really tell he's boojy because instead of shampoo he use shampain to wash up, dam now thats what I call a bubble bath (booz joke: EN). Soping wet from the bath he sumons a a manservent to put him on into a bath robe and style his head's hair into the famous O hare style (hair) then goes downstairs to order a bite to eat, oh boy todays special cesadeea (Editors Note: grill cheese for mexicans) with a side dish of gwack a mole (the green snot stuff next to the salsa, not the hammer game), my favorite Ohare thinks rubbing his lips together like a child on Chrismas day. he fetches a remote control and tuned to Newsmax Thneedville, the only trusted source of jernalism since "FAIR AND BALANCED Fox-in-Socks News), well let me tell you buddy youd have to be as blind as the Statue of liberty with the scales to buy that Fox-in-socks-shlock; suck my cock, Dock! (en: not a true blue Seuss ryhme please forgive me kind doctor, I bet you love your wife very much)

But when Aluicious Ohare turned the TV on with the remote control, his own two eyes watched in horror as the first thing he saw on the TV screen was a shreiking Thneedville child being malled by a pack of ravenis bear cubs in Downtown Thneedville: "SHITZ (SOCIALISTS HIDING IN THNEEDVILLE ZONE) HAS HIT THE FAN: MURDER LIVE FOOTAGE" scrolls the headline which made Ohare gasp in shock, what is happening in his city that he loves so much he CRIES, OUT LOUD. Mr Knox the TV anchorman teared up as the gang of aminals teared into the small grade studetn as a group of near by walking fish started singing oca pella the theme to Mortal Combat; a splat of blood hit them and their gills sucked up the red blood cells, huh guess that explains why they can breath on land. "It is clear that the only SHIT ZONE these animals belong in is a ZOO,... throwing SHIT, Ohare reflected with his brain as the screen reflected the goresome disinboweling happening just outside of town. A fucking ton of animals come out from the bildings and staple the corps to a phone poll and put rocks around it, oh the humanity Ohare couldn't bare to see no more, he clicked the TV off with the help of a nearby remote; crying from the bloody footage from the TV, sumoned Si his butler to drown his sorrows in a with a can of lemon & lime Ohare Canned Air on the side and a nice warm glass of rum and coke (cociane). As the advertisement went, Ohare was feeling quite low right now, but with a blasty sip of Ohare Canned Air, "he lifted up off the ground and feeling high." When inventing air in his ‘20s, he dumped in helium into the assembly vat with a heaping spoon of oxycodeown for good measure, that’s why people are hooked on how good it works; but any way, Ohare’s brain went and mouth smiled whist fully, his mood turning better, truly it is yet the magic silver bullet. "Sy you know what to do" Ohare stuffing caseadea into his gab says at the same time, he has the munchies clearly; "yes" Si now not wearing brigt friendly over-alls but wearing a black trench coat and glasses (both black) cocked his Clashnicofs-time to bust a cap in those animal chaps

Later that day but at night when the soler powerd moon was shinign bright in the night sky, Ohare was watching the hallmark channel when suddently the phone rings, it is Mitch Mcconnel Jr. the younger brother of Mitch Mconnell on the other phone (rest in Peace again), what could he want at this time of night (8 p.m)? "hey" says Ohare, "I'm sorry to enform you but Mitch mcconnel has regretfully passed away in a explosion at the tender age of 98" Mitch jr on speakerphone says over the phone, "dam" Ohare says back over the phone, um akward there is gap in conversaton caus Ohare does not know what to do, a drip of sweat runs down his face wich might be from the cringe moment or the mexican (food) he ate earlier, oops hold the beans. Oh Mitch Jr is speaking again "oh yah heard that Ci got brutalised to death on the evening obitchuary/cop blotter, dam that's rough buddy g'night". Curling up to a ball on the carpet and begining to cry big sopping tears leaving a big rug stain, Alucious does not know what to do. Tomorrow is an other day.


	3. Marketplace Of IntelectualsChapter 3: Marketplace Of Intelectuals

Editors notes: Hey, there its Morgan Barnett here and aside from Dr sessus books (both his writing and drawng that he is done there is nothign i love more than THE FREE MARKET PLACE OF IDEAS (but also MARKETS, cause the free market is best says my mom and pop; Mr dow Jones you are doing the Lords work, but speaking of Markets Alucious Ohare is browzing Face Book Marketplace on another fun sunny Thneedville day to find a new menservent (R.I.P Si and also Mitch Mcconell (EN: lets get this strate Mitch is not a mansavrnet, acept for maybe Jesus & the Thneedville taxpayers ).).).). "I must fill the Si shaped hole in my heart, now that Si has a bulet shaped hole in his hart proly" :( It goes with out saying but Ohare is dispear, who will make me (him) caseadia now" he asks out loud to himself? Ohare is starving so he nukes a Hungry man (the dinner, not the person) but he acidentally set the power level to Sure nobel instead of medium and now the Hungry Man is looking more like a Burning man: now all it needs is some HARD, ELICT DRUGS and white hippy dredlocks to be complete. But suddently scroling passed all the used gramma pantys and drug cell burner phones Ohare spots with his little eye someone big: no its not chris Cristy or even Big Chungus, it is the famous Dr Robotnick as seen on the cartoon (Aventures of sonic the hegehog"! Hm lets see here "I am Dr Robotnick sientist extrordanair and would like a job to pay off my student lones from Liberrrrty unversity, pls check my ressa may in the descripton to learn more" Ohare reads, he is intreeg as he sees Robotnicks Batchelors degree in Environmental Destruction and minor in culinairy arts; looks like Robotnick knows the diference between burning animals to a stake and burning animals into steak haha and with that Ohare massages Robotnick to tell him he got the job, "👨🦰" he says back on facebook Messanger.

The next day in the morning there is knocking at the mansion front door of the Mr Oncelers memorial Mansion, who could that be at this briht and early hour Ohare thinks to himself? There is also roostir sounds outside and Ohare is confuse, he had Ci (R.I.Peace) turn them all into Chick filet sandwitches years ago; he opens the door and finds none other than a fat mustash and jumpsuit (both red) man a long cock a doodle doo person and a green tank with many kinds of drills from head to toe (exsept he doesnt have toes or even feat but instead tank treds with tires), could it be Dr Robotnick from the cartoon Adventures of Sonic the headehog? "Hello it is I, Dr Robotnick geinus extroadinare and thank you for letting me inturn for you to pay off my colege debt" "nice to meet you, now come inside and make me a samish or something cause I have'nt had anything to eat in two days" and as Robotnick happily stepped inside the Mr oncelers Memorial Mansion Ohare could see that Robotnick had quite a dump truck on him and I don't mean a dump truck, soups on boys because Ohare will probably be eating well tonight even if its not soup (EN: figure of speach)

Ohare Robotnick and co stepped inside the Memorial mansion kitchen and Robotnick summaned the 2 strange men "Fix Ohare something to eat prrrrrronto you bucket of bolts", Ohare liked the threats but was confuse "who are they" he asked? "I Dr Robotnick honor role graduate would like to introduce Scratch and Grrrrounder my robot sons and indentured servents for life! Brrrrriliant! quick Scratch make eggs over easy for Ohare here" and the robot chicken with a HA HA HAHA proclamed "yes Dr Robotnick I am the best most egg-celentest egg maker ever" neeled and lade a pipping hot plate right then and there. But unfortunate for Ohare the eggs did not go over easy for Ohare and right then and there Ohare keeled over and began to go into anal laxativs shock, no that is not hapens when you have the bad kind of Green eggs and ham (well maybe for Ohare) but for Ohare it is an alergic reaction, quick somebody call a Doctor! Well lucky for Ohare Dr Robotnick is right here and comands Grounder to use his Epipen feture, but unlucky for Ohare Grounder is pretty stuped so he acidentally caps Ohare on his harey backside, what a pain in the ass this has become as Ohare rithing in pain from the alergy and the famine crys on the floor once amore.


	4. THE GRINCHES WAR ON CHRISMAS: PART 1/2 (Chapter 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editors Pro-Log: Hey there didnt see you there on this fantasticle Christmas eve (day, the Day is tomorow): its Morgan Barnett and oh boy oh joy it is almost Chrismas Day the day we all know so well, it is my 2nd favrite holiday after Easter when Jesus hangs on the cros to die for youre sins but, on the holy day of christmas you hang your lights and stockings and orienamentals so Jesus can be birthed for your CHRISMAS PRESANTS. Unfortunat some people are REAL GRINCH'S; (not the person, its simily) and it goes wihtout saying that the TOLERENT LEFT cant TOLERAT E our precous holiday without making Jesus christ LEFT out, well "yule" see what hapens next in this next chapter coming up nxet.

Far far away in the next town over from the town of Thneedville and across the hilly sunny hills is the snowey town of Whoville, a wholesum traditionalist town full of church's and brihgt lights and CHRISTIANITY and behold, in the center of the white chrismas town is a big tall beauteful big Chrismas tree (EN: regular tree that you cut down, not a plugin tree) with a big Jesus Crist at the top, and not like the TOTAL FAIL tree in Rockafeller Sqare niether, but all the Whos will rockin around the Chrismas tree and also pray on this wondris day on their knees, now thats the sprit of the season. But as you know from "When the grinch Stole Christmas" on the tall peek of Mt Crumpet sits on top a sour lemon eating green man by the name of The Grinch and he hated Chrismas, a LOT and there are many theorys why; he is a hipster milenile so his shoes are too tight or his head wasnt screwd on just right, but I think his brain is too sizes to small on acount of that he watches SNN all day and night (EN: Socalist News Network; also rhyme), heck hes such a vegen PITA commy with termite in his soul that he died his hair green to suport his favrite poltical party (the GREEN party) in the RIGGED 2020 elections: go Jill stein, no to the Chrismas Roast Beast. Needless to say he is a real humbugger indeed, thats why they call him the Grinch after all. But any ways he is staring at all the hussel and bussel down below and wandering what to do?, when he gets an awful Grincy grinch like idea (again, it could be great)..... "I KNOW HOW TO STOP CHRISMAS FROM COMING exclamed the Grinch as he grabs his dog Max and heads to his sewing room, dam what a low T litard put down the avacode toast (maybe that his why Grinch is green on 2nd thougt, hmm) and pick up a steak why dotncha you soysucker scum. Taking off his Proud Dog Dad sweetshirt he says to his dog"Christ is the reason for the season so if we take him out the holiday is CANCEL, change my mind" and behold with Grinches quick upholdstry work Max a hound was now a HELLHOUND and Grinch was Satan instead of Santa like in the book and movie and other movie; finally Grinch took a big goats head hanging on his wall and put it on max's noggan: : these are inded the faces of evil encarnite.

Later that night after all the Whos hung up all the tinny tinsal and the Who-Who bells and the whumdingers and crap and they are all tucked in bed tight so the bedbugs dont bite (trust me they bite and also suck (EN) the Grinch and Max sneeks out of their cave to go to the Whoville town sqare, wow where are the Who PD coppers where you need them. Now what is the Grinchs agenda you may ask?, youll see as the two SHITZ rejects go from house to house like the Egiptan plage (Bible) but no they are not spreading the Chinees' flu; the Grinch is writing big Xs over the word Christ from the word Chrismas so it reads Xmas and Max is taking a doody on snowman and kicking babby Jesus off the nativy seens: THEY ARE TAKING THE CHRIST OUT OF CHRISTMAS AS WE SPEEK AND NOBODY IS STOPPING THEM. Your a mean one Mr Grinch and that is so, who took a fat load in your stocing all those years ago: while the Whos are dreaming sweet sugarplum dreams in bed your out ruining Chrismas and claiming Gods dead (which if you think about it is a textbook case of ABORTON). Hark it looks like they are finished runing Christmas for the town, all they have left is the big Jesus on top of the tree: tihnking how they will take it down Grinch thinking faster than he ever thunk clumps up Max into a football shape and yeets him into the air; Gricnh is less of a charly Brown and more like a Tim Teebo as his dog knocks our lord and savior Jesus Christ off the tippy top of the tree and smashes into a billion gazillion trillion pieces: OH THE HUMANITY, WILL LAW AND ORDER RETURN TO THE PEACE FERING WHOVILLE..... find out in the conclusion of Chapter 4: THE GRINCHES WAR ON CHRISMAS: PART 1/2 tomorrow on Chrismas day : Chapter 4.5: THE GRINCHES WAR ON CHRISMAS: PART 2/2


End file.
